How to Piss Off Your Server

This is a list of annoying things guests do on a daily basis. If you would like to receive good service, avoid these horrible habits.

Don't...

• ask for a Coke when the server just said that they carry Pepsi products.
• complain about being cold. Restaurants generally have air conditioning.
• make demands. Ask nicely.
• snap your fingers at a server.
• chug your first beverage before the server is finished taking the order. Then we just know we're going to be refilling your glass every thirty seconds.
• let your kids run wild.
• let your kids make a mess, and leave it for your server to clean up.
• ask us for something when our hands are full of plates, drinks, etc.
• ask us for something when we're at another table.
• ask us to list the side dishes for one person, then ask us to repeat them because you weren't listening.
• blame the server for your food tasting funny.
• act like you're the only table in the restaurant.
• order soups, salads, or wraps after 10pm. We end up making a huge mess while we're trying to clean up and close.
• come in at ten minutes until close and think you will get good service.
• ask to have your tea sweeter, then complain that it's too sweet.
• seat yourselves, just don't do it.
• ask to be moved to a different table unless there is a REALLY good and obvious reason.
• ask for something different every time the server comes by. Ask for whatever you will need all at once, or else you will get some serious eye-rolling.
• ask if you can get anything for free. It's not as funny as you think it is.
• eat more than half your meal, then say you didn't like it and would like it comped off your check.
• sit for hours, and tip as if you weren't taking up one of the server's tables.
• say you're ready to order, then stare at the menu for five minutes saying "ummmm...."
• remain silent when we kindly greet your table and say, "Hi, how are you today." Rudest. Thing. Ever.

I could go on and on, but I think I've proven my point. These are just the little things that really get to me as a server. After seven years of waiting tables, it's still hard not to let these little habits get under my skin. Unfortunately, my patience level gets lower every time one of these things happens.

Sooner or later, I will snap.

And it will be ugly.